Chain Reaction ~By Xavia Nicole Johnson

Yea, I know its long but its great,

My girl Zay has Skills

PLEASE READ.. Tell me what you think so i can tell her

lol

It's definitely true what they say....one's actions affect more than just that person. I know cause I was sittin here distressed....and it was all from a tangled web of wishes and prayers and anxious cries for help and reassurance that hurt will never be another feeling to creep inside my body and turn into a release of anger or bitterness. Anger or bitterness because that person did this to him and made him do that to her and her to him and so on and so on until that her was me and that him was whoever I made it out to be. Scorpio Blues said it best when she challenged and tested every woman 2 detest bein a resurrection of second guessin but it's so much unecessary stress weighing on my chest. I think nobody knows exactly how I feel cause if they did they'd help look for the antidote to help me heal. Instead, that bastard gave me a vaccine so pain is still flowing thru my veins and telling me that it's gonna take longer than a lifetime...so much later than soon for me to be immune to disappointments and let downs. So how do I fight it? How do allow myself to forget those feelings of regret? How do I dismiss that simple kiss that lead to me more than desperately needing an outlet to keep 4rm fearing treachery? One too many betrayals of trust and my heart is all messed up. I vowed neva to blame him again for the time I lost love for myself. Cuz if I can't love myself I shud prolly cancel Christmas on truly loving somebody else. Fact is I do love me and I KNOW that I love the new he that has been placed within. And this he? oh....He's got my heart on lock and he also possesses the key. But I did a not so good deed....I made a spare. Or more like a whole different pair...just in case I'm the victim of that same treachery. Then I can change the lock, protect myself, and allow my heart to skip to a different beat...if need be. And he says, "Go ahead and admit it. You don't trust me." Never will I ever say such a thing. For 'tis NOT true. It's just that...that person did that to him and made him do that to her and so on and so on until that her was me and that him just so happened to be you. But I'm at war and I need u 2 be a soldier and fight beside me. Be my right hand man and reassure me that I can. And I will. I will love u wholeheartedly and allow the walls of my fort to fall down undoubtedly. Help me know that when u do that one thing u don't mean it like he meant it. Remind me that ur so sure that I have no reason to be insecure. I'm not sayin turn to me every five minutes and be like, "Ur the only one for me aight?". Maybe just text me before I text u and say, "How is your day?". Randomly hug me and whisper that I'm beautiful cause for all my fragile heart knows, u could be full of disgust. Don't feed in to every girl wanting to be ur friend. Cause chicks so scandalous. They plot on what another one's got. And I can't take any other girl coming in and trying to be your world. Lemme know that I'm not in this alone. Be a little portion of my backbone...until I'm strong enuff 2 go on my own. And it'll pay off...I promise. I'll dispose of that other set of keys I chose and be all that u need of me and more. I promise to just live no matter how hard another made it to forgive. I won't think too much or use u as the crutch that holds up my emotions or devotions cause my commitment to u...I did that one on my own ;-) And I know..it's all up to me ultimately to allow myself to experience freedom. Look deep down within my self and shout that I'm coming out! I won't let another thought develop a chimerical idea of betrayal causing me to be hysterical or insane. I'm not afraid to love again and I won't let my past jeopardize my obtaining of the prize....which is you. Cause I have no right to make u pay for what some other suckers do. So screw what she did to him that made him do that to me. Your love and loyalty will set me free.