Saturday, July 25, 2009

Is She Worth It? 5 Ways to tell

This was a very interesting read, and great points were made
Ladies need sit down and evaluate themselves sometimes.
I Hope u enjoy it and get something good out of it

Forward the message if you like

Thanks to my friend Jared for finding this piece
(i know its long lol)

Is She Worth It? 5 Ways to Tell

By Eddie A. Cray, Relationship Advisor

If I could quote, paraphrase, and re-write all of the female-engineered magazine topics that coach Black women on how to rid themselves of a worthless Black man -- the resulting document would be nearly 1000 pages in length. This is due to the fact that many men have dug themselves into perfectly despicable holes when it comes to dating, love, and relationships.

For those men, they often deserve every criticism, ridicule, and head-whip delivered to them. Immaturity and lack of self-discipline play key roles in how these types of men operate. Some are misogynistic and degrading, while others are lazy, predictable, and fit perfectly into the "dead-beat dad" crowd. Nevertheless, this type of unfavorable behavior does not embody all Black men. In fact, it doesn't even represent the majority.

I hardly ever read articles or commentary directing men to take inventory and re-evaluate the women in their lives. Are we not allowed to question the morals and habits of women we're in relationships with? Does a woman's beauty and sex appeal outweigh her intellect? Are we supposed to refrain from analyzing a woman's behavior and just be satisfied that she's allowing us into her space? These are hypothetical questions, but a lot of Black men have asked them before and it makes me wonder how destructive this line of thinking can be to the male psyche.

I'm not in the business of demonizing or destroying the character of Black women. But I believe that good men, especially African-American men, have subconsciously categorized themselves as "givers" and not "takers" when evaluating their roles in long-term relationships. Sure, there are plenty of men who take, take and take some more. But again, these types of men sadly belong in the category I described earlier.

I can tell you from experience that there is nothing more pitiful than watching a good man sniveling, crying and relentlessly pursuing an undeserving woman. Whether that woman deserves him or not is contingent on his ability to choose what's best for him, and his desire to develop spiritually and emotionally. If he walks by faith, he should seek a mate who does the same. If his convictions are derived from specific lifestyle and family values, he should pair himself with a woman who believes in the same values.

Those of us who consider ourselves good men should be making every effort to take "good women" to task by asking the same questions they often pose to us. Not for the purpose of evening out the playing field, but rather to gain a better understanding of them. After all, these are the same women who claim to desire "good men."

So what makes her a "good woman"? Is she good for you? Do you see her as a great mother and nurturer? Does she have a healthy sense of self-worth? Is she lazy, combative, dejected, or selfish? When you thumb through the book of life, are you both on the same page?

Let's take a look at some key factors that may help determine whether or not you're with a woman who's worth your time, or one who wastes your time:

* Never Having to Say She's Sorry - If you hardly ever hear your partner say she's sorry (even when she should be saying it), it's probably because she doesn't think she needs to. Men are frequently viewed as the guilty parties responsible for messing up relationships. When we think about infidelity -- a man cheating on his wife comes to mind. When we think about irresponsible parenting, it evokes thoughts of absent fathers. Part of this mindset is driven by media and society, and many women buy into it. Even more ridiculous, is when women start to believe that this type of behavior is natural, or common to most men. Subsequently, some women fail to own up to their own misdeeds and never take responsibility for their negative actions.

Note #1: Failure to accept responsibility when she should.

* Walking Before Crawling - Several women have mentioned to me their desires to be with a man who has goals, aspirations, and dreams for success. However, these same women often fail to account for setbacks, missteps, and that other important life factor called -- "time." Being successful in life isn't always easy and building a strategy for success can be difficult. Instant gratification only works with men who are finished growing and no longer wish to better themselves. Those women who desire the entrepreneur, businessman, goal-setter, or professional-minded man, but aren't willing to stick around while he establishes himself -- are usually there for selfish reasons. When a woman doesn't support her man's dreams, she doesn't support him.

Note #2: Being unsupportive of your goals.

* Beauty, But Not Much More - Even though your woman may be cute, with a sexy smile, stylish shoes and a closet full of Burberry handbags -- her sexiness won't create a solid relationship. Psychologists say men look for sexy women because they always want to be attracted to their mates. If you're only looking for a pretty face, good luck with the consequences.
Yes -- we all like beautiful women, but fashionable cuties come a dime a dozen. Men also need the substance found in confidants, caretakers, supporters, and friends. Anything less is nothing more than eye-candy for dinner parties. We need to make sure our sexy divas have brains underneath those $400 hairstyles.

Note #3: Placing beauty and possessions before life, love, and family.

* Room to Grow - No relationship is perfect and no woman is without faults. We must remember to give our partners the space to make mistakes and the leverage to grow as human beings. But there is a difference between making mistakes and being reckless. If you are with a woman who consistently makes bad choices, or who has a negative outlook on life - you must consider the possibility that she will always be this way. It is never your job to change a woman, or persecute her for the bad things she does. Any modifications to her character must be directed through her own spiritual channels. But that doesn't mean you have to suffer the growing pains. If her ability to mature is in question, your right to make a change is the answer.

Note #4: Being careless and irresponsible.

* Her Disrespect, Your Embarrassment - One of the most profound ways to measure a woman's worth to you, is to gauge the amount of respect she has for you. A partner who is quick to announce your faults, or speak with friends about your shortcomings, is treading on disrespectful ice. This includes the woman who uses derogatory names to describe you, curses you, or applies negative labels to your efforts and abilities. Most of us guys don't like being embarrassed, and it stings even worse when it's coming from someone who should be a supporter.

Note #5: Personal attacks which may include name calling, ridicule, or gossip.

Now ... another quick note about determining a woman's worth to you.
(Yes, I said 5 notes, but this one is a bonus.)

Separating from our wives or partners is never the desired result. However, in an effort to build stronger relationships, African-American men have every right to be as discerning as women are when it comes to choosing the right partner.

Women have been taught the art of being discriminating and selective when choosing a mate and there is no reason why men shouldn't do the same.

1 comment:

Rachel Beau said...